Saloon Metro: Akuma's Bad Hair Week
by DeNice
Summary: Ch. 3 is up. Akuma runs into a little unexpected hair problem and now he has to get it back the way it was. Unfortunately, he can't do it himself, so he goes to a hair saloon to get it fixed...
1. SUNDAY

Saloon Metro (Akuma's Bad Hair Week)  
  
Hello, all... This is my very first pure-humor fic, so please comment. I got this idea in a twisted sort of way and you are doing to see what my dysfunctional brain can kick out within a period of about 10 minutes... so... enjoy. I don't own any of Capcom's fighters...  
  
----- -----  
  
Chapter 1: SUNDAY  
  
(In a field within a Japanese forest a few miles off of Tokyo...)  
  
Akuma: You, Ryu, are dead...  
  
Ryu: Do not underestimate me so early. I will make sure I defeat you.  
  
Akuma: It's funny that you say that. Do you realize that you cannot defeat me as long as you restrain your Satsu no Hadou?  
  
Ryu: Don't make me laugh. You're pretty much a slave to your own energy. At least I'm sane enough to admit that I have a killing problem.  
  
Akuma: ...nnnnnnnnnnnnnn...  
  
(Akuma warps towards Ryu, about to perform a Shungokusatsu, but Ryu is a very clever one indeed...)  
  
Ryu: Master Gouken...?  
  
Akuma: Wha!??  
  
(Akuma stops on a dime and looks behind him, seeking out the elder that he had thought to have killed. He fell perfectly into Ryu's mind trick...)  
  
Ryu: Tatsumaki Senpu Kyaku!  
  
Akuma: You fool!  
  
(Akuma ducks down and avoided Ryu's move... but he proved to not be fast enough. Ryu's powerful kick managed to hit something... Akuma's hair, which was always standing on end. Within an instant, all of Akuma's red hair exploded all over his head, leaving only his red eyes in view)  
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Akuma: ...this is perfect...  
  
Ryu: ...  
  
Akuma: We'll finish this later.  
  
Ryu: Wait! Don't tell me that your running from me all because of your-  
  
Akuma: Yes! You think this is an appropriate way to kill you looking like this???  
  
(Instantly, Akuma teleported next to a waterfall, where he managed to see a reflection of himself off the water.)  
  
Akuma: (running a hand through the mess of hair all over his head...) I don't believe this... No one has EVER dismantled my hair like this... *growl* When was the last time I even put my hair up like this...  
  
Akuma's semi-conscious: Remember the day when you sparred with-  
  
Akuma: (out loud) That was 30-something years ago! Yeesh... Now I got to remember how to redo this thing... without that rubber band at that...  
  
Akuma's semi-conscious: Rubber band? Wasn't that...?  
  
Akuma: Shut up...  
  
(About 30 minutes later...)  
  
Akuma: ARRRGH!!! This hair is just as untame as my evil energy... I'll need...  
  
Akuma's semi-conscious: No... You don't say...  
  
Akuma: SHUT UP!!! If there is a man's worst enemy, it's their hygiene... I'll... need help... I know a place...  
  
(Within a second, Akuma teleported again, this time in France, deep within a dance club... Walking calmly through the crowd of teenage punks and such, forcing himself to withstand the heavy metal music being blasted throughout Club Metro, Akuma finally reached his destination... Saloon Metro)  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
(Taking a pause... Akuma walks in... Meanwhile, the Saloon was busy with Street Fighters and regulars alike either working or getting their hair done, random chatting in the air. In the back, an employee was talking to her employer...)  
  
Sakura: Okay... Mr... uh...  
  
Remy: Just call me Remy.  
  
Sakura: Okay... Remy. I just need to know... just why the heck am I here in the first place???  
  
Remy: Well, you said that you needed money to get your school fuku fixed after Sagat obliterated it with a Tiger Cannon, so... I figured I'll do it myself for free if you did me a favor...  
  
Sakura: Yeah... one of your employees is sick and can't make it in... but I don't know the first thing about hair. I just keep it cut and that's it... I AM a tomboy, after all...  
  
Remy: Hey, just be lucky that you're only here for a day. Just go on and mess with a few guys' hair and by the end of the day you're set. Gotta love the no refund policy... *grin*  
  
Sakura: Whatever... So what if the guy I do doesn't like it?  
  
Remy: ...you are a Street Fighter, right?  
  
Sakura: Oh... okay... *rolling eyes* Whatever you say...  
  
Remy: Just relax... Hey, new customer... Go get him, and if you need me, I'll be in my office... busy...  
  
(As Remy went in to handle his... special business, Sakura turned around to see a man who looked VERY familiar walk up to her. He had a black karate gi on and a bush of red hair all over his head...)  
  
Sakura: Uh... Hi. My name is Sakura and I shall be your hair dresser for today... How do you like your hair done?  
  
???: Just put it up... Straight up...  
  
Sakura: Okay...  
  
(Sakura let her first client sit in the chair in front of her and turned it so that it faced the long mirror in front of him. Before she started, she ran a hand in front of her client's face so that she could see his face...)  
  
Sakura: AKUMA!?!  
  
Akuma: Listen, girl... Do you wish to die now or are you going to do this thing?  
  
Sakura: *clearing her throat* Yeah... just hold on a sec...  
  
(Turning away from Akuma, Sakura closes her eyes...)  
  
Sakura: *thinking* Okay... where are you...?  
  
(A few seconds later... a dark surge of energy shot through her body and instantly, Sakura transformed...)  
  
Dark Sakura: Okay, Akuma. Let's just get this over with. I have other guys who are begging to get sheered...  
  
Akuma: What did you say?  
  
Dark Sakura: *while grinning evilly* Nothing...  
  
(Dark Sakura immediately gets a razor up and running....)  
  
Akuma: Uh... I don't think...  
  
Dark Sakura: Listen, bub. Do you want me to do this or not? I don't have all day, you know. Besides, I know what I'm doing...  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
Dark Sakura: I thought so...  
  
(30 minutes later)  
  
Dark Sakura: You're done...  
  
Akuma: Don't you people have a spare mirror?  
  
Dark Sakura: What the heck are you talking about?  
  
Akuma: Well... When you were battling my wild hair... the battle immediately shattered the mirror in front of us...  
  
Dark Sakura: Yeah, well it ain't my fault you never used shampoo...  
  
Akuma: And I'm pretty sure I didn't need to lose THAT much hair...  
  
Dark Sakura: Hey! Who's the client here?  
  
Akuma: ...let me just pay and get out of here...  
  
Dark Sakura: Why thank you...  
  
(At this time, she transforms back to her normal self)  
  
Sakura: ...come back soon, okay?  
  
(Akuma just rolls his eyes and leaves)  
  
Sakura: *thinking to herself* Yeah... not too soon... I can't believe that you did that to his hair...  
  
Dark Sakura: *from inside her head* That's just my payback on him threatening to kill you. Don't worry. By the time he finds out about it, we'll be long gone back to Japan...  
  
Sakura: If you say so...  
  
(Back in Japan, Ryu is meditating back in the area where he had fought Akuma at... until Akuma reappears in front of him.)  
  
Akuma: Ryu! It's about time I finished you off for good!  
  
Ryu: Hmm...? A... Ack!!!!  
  
Akuma: What? Are you scared of me now, Ryu!? How pathetic...  
  
Ryu: I'm not scared at all... I'm... just shocked...  
  
Akuma: You should be...  
  
Ryu: Yeah... You're hair is even more hideous than your fighting is.  
  
Akuma: WHAT!?!?  
  
Ryu: ...you mean you did this without a mirror? You should look at yourself...  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
(Once again, Akuma teleports to the river he was at an hour ago... and his reflection showed his somewhat standing hair BUTCHERED, periodically showing small bald spots all over the back of his head and random globs of hair gel all over it [how he saw that far, no one knows...])  
  
Akuma: ...THAT WOMAN!!!!  
  
(In another instant, Akuma was seen back in the hair saloon, storming through the front door, his red aura flaring off his body.)  
  
Akuma: WHERE IS THAT LITTLE BRAT AT!?!?  
  
(In the same position, Sakura looked up from her new patient, Chun-Li [whose hair was basically being shaved off at the sides], and squealed.)  
  
Sakura: Oh, great... He found out... Nice going...  
  
Dark Sakura: *from inside her head* Don't worry... Just let me take over again...  
  
(Just as Sakura transforms again, Akuma picks her up by her shirt)  
  
Akuma: Do you have ANY IDEA what you did to me?! I should kill you now for this!  
  
Dark Sakura: ...if you don't get off my shirt, I seriously think YOU will be in pain...  
  
Akuma: ...are you threatening me...?  
  
Dark Sakura: No...  
  
(A flash of light later, Akuma's seen being thrown outside of the Saloon, slamming into the wall opposite to the front door.)  
  
Dark Sakura: Geez... what a headache... Now to get back to my next victim...  
  
Sakura: *from inside her head* Victim?  
  
Dark Sakura: *while smiling evilly* Nothing...  
  
(As the door slams, Akuma calmly gets up and brushed himself off.)  
  
Akuma: Hmm... She'll make a fine disciple one day... Bah. I'll come back tomorrow to see if there is another hair dresser... Hope she's better at this than she was...  
  
(Akuma then notices the passing people stopping to stare at him...)  
  
?: Nice hair, dude!  
  
Akuma: Ahhh, shut up...  
  
(Within an instant, Akuma was gone to parts unknown...)  
  
--- ---  
  
End of SUNDAY 


	2. MONDAY

(Around 2:30 P.M., Akuma is once again seen in front of the saloon that he had visited the day before. Since his hair was still butchered from the job Sakura and her dark side did, he had to steal a towel from Ryu's bad that night while he was sleep so that he couldn't notice. Cautiously Akuma looked in... and sighed somewhat to find out that Sakura wasn't in)  
  
Akuma: Perfect...  
  
(Akuma stepped in, noticing that it wasn't really crowded like before. As a matter of fact, there were only 2 males (i.e. Remy and himself) in accompanying the 12 or so women inside (not including hair dressers) As Akuma cautiously took a seat in the waiting area, the woman next to him started to start a conversation...)  
  
Elena: Hey... What're you here for?  
  
(Akuma simple points up to the towel hiding his horrendous hair cut)  
  
Elena: Oh... I see. You are getting your hair done.  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
Elena: I find it a bit weird that someone like you would be in a place like this at this time... but hey! I guess every man's got that side of themselves...  
  
(Akuma left that unanswered as he reached to the side and got a magazine from the rack and started reading nothing in particular {he couldn't really translate French, anyway} After about 10 minutes of listening to hair dryers, razors, and French soap operas, Akuma got his call.)  
  
?: Next?  
  
(Stashing the mag away, Akuma looked around... and spotted the new girl dressing)  
  
Akuma: (I think I know her... That brat's rival...)  
  
(As Akuma got up, Karin twisted her face...)  
  
Karin: (Okay... this is a bit out there... What's some male like him doing here?) Okay, then... The name's Karin. What would you like done?  
  
(Akuma sat down...)  
  
Akuma: You think you can fix... this?!?  
  
(Karin shrieked as Akuma removed the towel and revealed his hair, which was butchered in such a way that Simon from American Idol would have to comment as "Horrendous... Simply horrendous... from top to bottom...")  
  
Akuma: Well?  
  
Karin: You lucky you came when you did... This is a severe violation of style... and on so many levels! Just who did this? You?  
  
Akuma: Phht... I could have done better than this... Blame your rival with the split-personality.  
  
Karin: ...oh. Well... I'll get to work right away. (Damn you, Dad, for making me get a part-time job... I'm SO quitting this after today...)  
  
(As Karin got to work {or rather, commenced surgery) on Akuma's hair, the patient took the time to notice the TV above him and Karin. It was showing a typical soap... in French...)  
  
Akuma: ...you can't possibly think you can translate French to Japanese...  
  
Karin: Duh... It's called 'school'  
  
Akuma: (giving a blank expression on his face) Hmm... This... 'school' you speak of... Is it real or symbolic?  
  
Karin: (Ooooooookay...) Don't worry, though. Remy has these things set up with closed captioning.  
  
Akuma: Show me this...  
  
(Karin, while rolling her eyes, took the remote on the counter next to her and messed with a few buttons. Instantly, when a character spoke, it was translated into Kanji.)  
  
Akuma: Interesting...  
  
Karin: I didn't know someone like you would be interested in soaps...  
  
Akuma: I'm not... I just wanted to see what was up with this TV...  
  
Karin: That's what Sakura said... but I got her taping stories like its nothing when she goes to school.  
  
Akuma: Oh, really? What did you do? Harass her?  
  
Karin: Nah... we made a bet a few weeks back... She lost, so I had her watch soap operas for one full day instead of going to the mall like she wanted to. At first she didn't like it.... Next thing I know, she was hooked. A scary sight at first... but I grew to like it...  
  
Akuma: So you basically force-fed it to her.  
  
Karin: Yeah... That's just about right...  
  
(For the next hour and 20 minutes, the two spent the time talking random gossip... while watching the soap, entitled "Troubled Roses")  
  
TV: ...I... I'm sorry, Jean but... I have... a secret that I need to tell you about... I...  
  
Akuma & Karin (simultaneously): He's gay...  
  
TV: I... I'm in love...  
  
TV: With whom, Francis? Who could you have possibly cheated on me for? You KNOW that we're supposed to be engaged in another two weeks! You KNOW that!  
  
Akuma & Karin: She's on drugs... Downers.  
  
TV: It's... It's Jean-Paul...  
  
TV: B... but I don't believe it! He's a guy, Francis! A GUY! How could you DO something like this to me?? How could you???  
  
Akuma & Karin: He's getting slapped...  
  
TV: I... I'm sorry... but I'm going to have to cancel the ma-- *slap*  
  
Akuma & Karin: Idiot...  
  
TV: Don't you dare finish that thought... I love you too much to let you go to another person, let alone a MAN. You tell that freak to break up with you post-haste! This marriage is going to happen, wither you like it or not!  
  
Karin: Man... If I was that woman, I would have broken up with him SO fast... I wouldn't even want to be bothered with a guy that's gay...  
  
Akuma: If I were that woman I'd kill him for even thinking about it...  
  
Karin: ...I wouldn't blame you... Hey! It's almost closing and here we are talking... You were done like 30 minutes ago.  
  
Akuma: Really? Let me see...  
  
Karin: Okay...  
  
(Akuma looks at the duct-taped mirror that shattered the other day courtesy of Dark Sakura and her razor battle... and as soon as Akuma got a chance to glance at it, it shattered....)  
  
Akuma: What the...?  
  
Karin: ...that's been happening a lot lately...  
  
Akuma: Forget it... Here's my pay... (running a hand on his hair) Seems right...  
  
Karin: Well, it's the Kanzuki style. It should feel right.  
  
(Without saying anything else Akuma teleported back to the area where Ryu was training at, performing his Shoryuken multiple times on a cliff face, chipping at it. Akuma, who landed on top of that cliff, smirked)  
  
Akuma: This is a perfect chance to sneak him...  
  
(Akuma jumped down and caught Ryu off guard from behind with a fist. Ryu stumbled forward but managed to block the Messatsu Gou-Shoryu, countering with a Shoryuken of his own. Akuma backflipped in the air and landed on the ground, about to charge back in... but oddly, a rather large strand of red hair fell onto his face. He paused, pushing it back onto its position... only to have it fall limply on his back. He then looked at Ryu, who was giving a rather blank look... and knew something was amiss)  
  
Ryu: Akuma...?  
  
Akuma: What is it...?  
  
Ryu: Uh... well...  
  
Akuma: Come on! Spit it out!  
  
Ryu: You got girl-locks, man...  
  
(Akuma didn't give Ryu a second thought on it. He instantly teleported back to his hideout and looked at his reflection in the river... Well, if you know how Karin has her hair, then you got an idea on how Akuma's looked, complete with a black bow to match)  
  
Akuma: Oh... my.... GOD...  
  
(He instantly used a fist full of Satsu flames to torch the bow and about half his hair, which now resembled Ken's, only much more messy and burnt...)  
  
Akuma: Note to self... 1. Kill Karin. 2. Kill Ryu. 3. Make Sakura my disciple. 4. ...go grocery shopping tomorrow after the saloon. Someone's gotta get this right...  
  
(Akuma then spent the rest of the day training and plotting revenge on a certain rich girl... but just before he started that, he stopped and made one more mental note...)  
  
Akuma: Oh, and 5. ...get past tapes of "One Life To Live" and "Troubled Roses" from Sakura when I meet her again...  
  
--- ---  
  
End of MONDAY 


	3. TUESDAY

Tuesday  
  
------- --------  
  
_10:13 A.M. Once again at the now-too-familiar saloon, we see Akuma looking out from the corner of the store, with a very cautious look in his eyes. It's been two days of humiliation in more ways than one, but this time he was going to be careful about the whole ordeal. He wasn't going to be made a fool of today...  
_  
Akuma:_ (to himself)_ That's right... because the next one who tries to mess around will be six feet under in under six seconds flat.  
  
Akuma's conscience: You know... you could just go to another barbershop and get it done right.  
  
Akuma: No! That defeats the purpose! Well, then... the coast is clear... Time to move.  
  
_He then comes out of the shadows of the alleyway and, while trying to look as casual as he could considering his status and looks, made his way to the front door. Little did he know that within the 2 seconds it took for him to walk to the door, everyone within shouting distance stopped what they were doing just to gawk at his hair. Some gave laughs while others just looked on in horror. A certain tall man in particular just closed his eyes and muttered a prayer.  
_  
Boman: God help us...  
  
_By this time Akuma was inside, instantly seeing who was doing the butchering... er... styling today. Oddly, it didn't take long to recognize the guy (that's right... a guy) who checked in today, mainly since no one else was in the saloon since it was so early. Long blond hair, same height, and the famous million dollar smile. Ken Masters. Rest assured the martial arts demon was a bit startled at this turn of events  
_  
Akuma: This must be some type of joke...  
  
Ken: (_snapping a hand towel in the air)_ Alright! First one in line! Welcome to the one and only place where I would actually take time to work at: Saloon Metro. As you probably know, I'm Ken Masters, but you can just call me Ken. You ready for your free shape up?  
  
Akuma: _(blinks)_ Free?  
  
Ken: That's right. Not only are you the first one in today, but I can tell by just looking at you that you're in dire need of a hairstyle chance. I mean, come on... I originated the short hair thing that you seem to have, but it's old-fashioned. Not only that, but you got it all wrong. The whole burnt appearance... shaking head Uh-huh... Not working at all.  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
Ken: Anyways, you should be thanking me. Not everyone would see me actually doing laboring outside of training, and you get to see the best of the best work on that hair of yours, so sit down. Relax. I got you covered.  
  
Akuma: _(thinking) _...this won't end well...  
  
_Reluctantly sitting down in the chair, Ken wraps the sheet around his neck and starts by observing the 'damage' done_  
  
Ken: Mmm... Now I see what your problem is, Akuma... Amateurs, I say! Amateurs!  
  
Akuma: ...so you've heard...  
  
Ken: Don't worry. Those two girls can't possibly know much about style to do the things like what I've heard. You're quickly becoming a casualty in the whole sense.  
  
Akuma: _(thinking)_ Finally. There's someone who actually understands the hassle of a man's battle between him and his hygiene...  
  
Ken: Well, then. I better get started now...  
  
_As Ken reached into his inventory to start his job, one stinging question rested on Akuma's mind... Of course he wasn't afraid of asking it_  
  
Akuma: Tell me... Since when did you even consider working in a joint like this?  
  
Ken: _(while pulling out a bottle and opening it up, pouring some of the contents onto the demon's hair, which slightly stung a bit)_ Wife...  
  
Akuma: O....k...  
  
Ken: To but it more in an understanding terms, Elisa got tired of me training and teaching my son violence and got me to get something productive. I was like, "Why in the world would I need a job? We're rich as it is." She's like, "I didn't say a job. I have a friend who could use some help for a day. Maybe helping him out would set a better example for Mel than you going off and fighting as much as you do."  
  
Akuma: Ha! Your wife got you good! That's why a true warrior never gets married!  
  
Ken: (rolling eyes) In a way, I can see that... Anyways, I'm almost done with ya...  
  
Akuma: Uh? But I just got here.  
  
Ken: That's the beauty of my personal hair gel. Gets the job done REAL quick. Good for the guy on the go and too busy to wait for some long surgery such the case is for yourself.  
  
Akuma: Precisely...  
  
Ken: Also, it's an absolute chick magnet. Hair so irresistible girls from far and wide will run to be around you.  
  
Akuma: ...o...k...  
  
Ken: Hmph... snaps a towel and strokes it down on Akuma's hair That... should... do it.  
  
Akuma: (_instantly looks in the repaired mirror across the wall to see the short hair sulked back stylishly)_ Mmm... This... doesn't look half bad...  
  
Ken: _(thinking)_ Hmph... So much for gratitude... out loud Well, that's it? You paying or what?  
  
Akuma: Yeah sure... Now, if you'll excuse me... I'll be off to a heated battle.  
  
Ken: ...sure...  
  
_Akuma, feeling a little bit better about his appearance, is now exiting the saloon, ready to warp back to Japan when a hand grabs his shoulder_  
  
Woman: Mmm... Nice... You really are looking good, you know that?  
  
Akuma: a bit startled ...  
  
Woman: I mean... how can a man work out and have all those muscles and stuff and have such a nice taste in hairstyle? Must be pretty tough.  
  
Akuma: ...yeah... _(thinking)_ Who is this blond sap?  
  
Woman: I don't think I ever introduced myself. My name's Mary. Mary Ryan.  
  
Akuma: What type of name...?  
  
Mary: Anyways, I always thought Terry was a dreamboat, but you! That's something I wouldn't pass up for anything, big fella!  
  
Akuma: (_nervously)_ Eerrrr.... I think I'm going leave now.  
  
_Before Mary could even react, Akuma teleports out of the club to a safer area FAR away..._  
  
Akuma: If there's one thing a true warrior should not tangle with, it's a relationship with women... Now... where did I warp myself to...? Hmm... A rather small room... Tiles all over... Mirrors... Cabinets of some type... A toilet!?  
  
Athena: AAAAHHHHH!!!!! PERV!!!!!  
  
_Akuma spins around to find himself in a very personal area... a bathroom in which Athena Asamiya was ironically taking a nice hot lather bath..._  
  
Akuma: _(shocked)_ What the....!?  
  
Athena:_ (stammering)_ I... I...  
  
Akuma: (_just stares)_ ...  
  
Athena: Mmmm.... Nice hair...  
  
Akuma: _(confused)_ Uh... thanks...?  
  
Athena: Someone like you has to be pretty tired... Warping around and such... Why don't you relax...?  
  
Akuma: _(resumes being shocked)_ Errr....!  
  
Athena: _(running her hand along the water's surface)_ Come on... I'm pretty sure you wanna jump in with me...  
  
Akuma: And that's my cue to leave... _(teleports to another place)_ My god, what is wrong with the warping today?? It was normal until I left that saloon... Mmm... It couldn't be... Nah... Now, where am I...? Let's see... Forest... That's good... Very good. Waterfall...  
  
?: ANDY!!! I know you here! I can hear you breathing!!!  
  
Akuma: What now??  
  
_Out of nowhere another woman jumps from behind and tackles Akuma to the ground, seizing his long hair and pulling it to new extremes  
_  
Mai: I got you now, Andy Bogard! Now you're going to stop ignoring me and give me the attention that I crave... Wait a sec... You're not Andy...  
  
Akuma: _(while his face is in the grass, sarcastically):_ Oh... really...? How could you tell...?  
  
_Mai jumps of the Master of Fists and just stares at him while he fixes himself. Akuma doesn't know that she's staring until he faces her again._  
  
Akuma: What is your problem, woman?  
  
Mai: Err... N-nothing... It's just that your hair makes you very attractive...  
  
Akuma: Oh, crap. Not again...  
  
Mai: Not as good as Andy, is, though....  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
Mai: But, hey, it's a nice do. Nice enough for me to—  
  
Akuma: BYE!  
  
_One more teleport lands Akuma in a strange place..._  
  
Akuma: What...? A steel mill...?  
  
Zangief: Ho, ho! Look what ye got here, boys! A wimpy pretty boy in ze gi!  
  
Akuma: (_at first thrown off by the sudden realization that he was surrounded by lumberjacks and the Red Cyclone, Zangief, it was safe to say where he was...) _At last! Someone who I can use my fist's potential! I haven't murdered anyone all this week so far!  
  
Zangief: What do ye say? Shall ye show ze the works?  
  
Lumberjack #1: Yes...  
  
Lumberjack #2: Hold zim down before he gets away!!  
  
Akuma: Fine! Come and show me your true powers... What the...?  
  
_Much to Akuma's surprise, there wasn't any real physical threat being pulled... The lumberjacks... and even Zangief proceeded to strip... and that means totally strip..._  
  
Akuma: _(thinking)_ I don't like where this is going!!  
  
Zangief: Steward!! Ze oil, post haste!!  
  
Steward: Got it right here, big boy!  
  
Akuma: _(thinking)_ WAIT A MINUTE!!! THIS IS A GAY MILL!!  
  
Zangief: (_with an even more sickening smile than Bison could ever come up with)_ Now zen... Shall we, cut to ze chase?  
  
Akuma: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
_Luckily, his next Ashura Warp lands him back at his hideout in Tokyo, where he instantly dumped his entire head into the river nearby in hopes to wash out Ken's miracle gel. It rested in there for about a minute before he whipped it out, water flying all over the place and his hair messed up and all over his head_  
  
Akuma: And good riddance!! So much for that!! Now maybe I can relax...  
  
Dark Sakura: I wouldn't sit down just yet, pal...  
  
_Akuma jumped once he heard the dark schoolgirl's voice from behind him and her reflection right behind his, her eyes a devil red like Akuma_  
  
Akuma: It's YOU again!  
  
Dark Sakura: Damn straight...  
  
Akuma: What do you want, huh?? I thought we were finished!  
  
Dark Sakura: Well... no... I don't think so... You see... we still got some unfinished business to attend to...  
  
_Akuma braced himself to expect an attack, but Dark Sakura just raises one of her eyebrows  
_  
Dark Sakura: What do you think you're doing?  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
Dark Sakura: You thought... (_light giggling)_ Oh, come on... You're still not mad about that hair incident, huh?  
  
Akuma: ...  
  
Dark Sakura: I thought you'd be long over that by now...  
  
Akuma: You thought wrong, child...  
  
Dark Sakura: Come on... Is there anything you could want me to do to make it up to you?  
  
Akuma: ...become my disciple...  
  
Dark Sakura: ...I'll... think about that one...  
  
Akuma: That's good enough.  
  
Dark Sakura: Alright... Now, I better get back before it gets too late...  
  
Akuma: I've got a better idea... COME! Watch All My Children with me!  
  
Dark Sakura: _(surprised)_ W-what....? You mean to tell me a mountain man such as yourself has a TV up in this joint...  
  
_Akuma just points over to the cave under the waterfall where a 32 inch high definition TV was sitting at complete with a VCR and a DVD player_  
  
Dark Sakura: Oh, crap...!  
  
_Dark Sakura warps in and sat down on the ground in front of it, where Akuma shortly followed. From then on until the late hours, the two spent it watching the Soap Channel with the occasional shouting at the TV... However, despite all that, there was one thing that set the tone for the next day..._  
  
Dark Sakura: _(sleepily)_ By the way... That's some nice hair you got...  
  
Akuma: ...that's it. I'm getting it cut tomorrow. 


End file.
